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Games
Everlands
Everlands is a basically The Animals of Farthing Wood outsmarting your generic zombie infection invasion. In this little lushly illustrated turn-based strategic puzzle thing, you fight evil consumed bears with killerbees. Nuff said.
ModNation Racers
ModNation Racers is a schnellschuss and sure enough lacks a competitive thought-out gameplay and a uniqueness, a captivating art style and heart. Better see it as a hands-on but still powerful level editor for a rather half-decent Mario Kart clone keeping the play.create.share spirit alive.
2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa
It lacks heart, passion, love for the ball and the unique magic a football World Cup brings, especially when it’s the first time in history that an African country hosts such an event. This is why the game devastatingly fails in its effort. It’s still a good soccer game, but a way less than stellar World Cup game.
Skate 3
With all being said and done, it’s obvious that with the third Skate game released in two,5 years this franchise can’t do any major gaps. But it’s kind of audacious that the third full-priced ollie comes as a bugfixed Skate 2. Skate 3 is the game Skate 2 should have been. This place is death. What a spoof.
Machinarium
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♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Awww, how cute. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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Lost Planet 2
The single player campaign is dispensable, the gameplay feels clumsy, the story is cockamamy, and your bot fellows are all foam and no beer. Even when you play online the matchmaking is that bad that you often play with the french kiddies who got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching
Super Street Fighter IV
Seth is still a fucktard. Zangief’s Lariat is still ridiculously overpowered. Akuma’s Wrath of the Raging Demon is still the coolest ultra ever and Sakura still has a cunt on her elbow. So far so good, but this ‘add-on’ is bigger than Street Fighter IV, not really better, but gooder. You don’t like Super Street Fighter IV means we can’t be friends.
BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger
The learning curve is steep and hence the gap between mashing the ‘do sth. cool’-button and advanced gameplay techniques with effectively using distortion drives, instant guard, barrier, instant barrier, rapid cancels and clashes is so big that most people will probably stick with the easy to pick up Street Fighter (or even Tekken) series.
God of War III
Our brutal greek bully squib once again leaves a trail of blood on his vengeful tour de force to butcher the whole mythological prominence. Eradicating both olympian gods and titans alike, the chaos of violence once again is gruesome beyond any good taste. Btw. Bayonetta says Kratos is a fag.
Heavy Rain
If it were a movie, the critics would tear it apart in fervent revulsion. In addition to the screaming bad drama, there are glaring and even gamebreaking flaws such as the horrid sounddesign and the even worse awkwardness which accompanies the two-dimensional and bleak characters in every dialogue and every action.
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Do not play this game unless you are perfectly fine with eating nothing but ramen noodles for a while. This game is probably the best multiplayer shooter to date and so addictive that it’s unlikely you will ever leave your couch again. I mean, even my girl broke up with me and I barely care. It’s that great. I’m off… see you on the battlefield.
Mass Effect 2
After spending almost a month traveling through space with my Shepard chick, setting her up to be the next Darth Vader, fighting off Collectors, Geth, scrapmetal stapler zombies and other weird alien dudes, my emotional attachment towards my crew grew up to a point I haven’t felt in a videogame since the Metal Gear Solid series.
Dante’s Inferno
Dante’s Inferno has a very poor cute factor. A crusader dude travels to hell to get his girl back, snaffles a giant scythe from Death, gets the Holy Cross from his beloved chick Beatrice and hacks and slays himself through myriads of vile polygon clusters.
Dark Void
In its best moments Dark Void really is a kick ass game. It feels almost oldschool and makes it easy to have fun as you have the sublime and heroic feeling of doing something cool as soon as you take the controller in your hand (like skyjacking UFOs mid-flight).
Bayonetta
It’s anything you could ever ask for and features the most bad tasty stylish art design, ridiculously over the top angelic boss fights and pervy torture moves, overpsyched and cranked j-pop meets jazz soundtrack, clichéd and oversexed main character ever.
PixelJunk Shooter
The game mechanics are as simple and crude as a cave shooter, you’re a spacecraft navigating through pits and burrows to rescue buried miners. The spicy thing now is the addition of several different elements like magma, water, ice, gas and oil which interact for several puzzles.
Katamari Forever
Katamari Forever is the last hurrah of a great series of a giant rolling ever-expanding ball of crap that nobody ever noticed, until it rolled them up. Katamari has caused downfall of entire civilizations. One day it will consume all the earth. How disturbing.
Tekken 6
Superb animations, responsive controls, stylish art direction. After all it’s Tekken again. It’s always cool to beat a friend’s ass. That’s what it’s made for, and that’s what it should be played for. Nothing more, nothing less. Still, I want a new Killer Instinct.
The Saboteur
I sent this game to a number of scholars who have spent their lives studying Hitler and the Third Reich, and they assured me that Hitler would have found this game to be an insult and threat to Aryan superiority. The Saboteur is a mess – but a charming one.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
How can the gaming scene emancipate, profile and represented itself as a cultural value when it chronically keeps presenting itself as dramaturgical underdeveloped and razzle-dazzle!? And this Transformers 2 of video games sold over 7 million times in the first week!?
Brütal Legend
Bloody hell, Tim Schafer, come on. Whoever convinced you to actually do these stage battles, please skull crack. Headbanging, tudelu guitar soli and spandex were never part of the four elements and never will be. Nonetheless you should’ve played it.
Uncharted 2: Among thieves
The developing team around Naughty Dog once again created with Uncharted 2: Among Thieves an adventure unlike any other. In its visually stunning and brilliantly photographed world there are moments you’ll probably never forget.
NBA LIVE 10
At the end, NBA Live 10 is a decent basketball arcade simulation that only slightly offers the world of sport sims something new. Its major assets are once again the incredible graphics and the excellent audio which mostly capture the feel of NBA basketball.
IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey
There are many games which camouflage horrid design with astounding graphics. There are not as many games which both look gorgeous and play like a charm. IL-2 Sturmovik: Birds of Prey luckily belongs to the latter and is the best flying game on any console to date.
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